"Flash! Harry Hooligan, notorious con-artist, thief, and all-around-not-a-nice-personm has escaped!  He is not at large and in the vicinity of Southwick's Emporium.  At this moment, Hooligan is foiling every attempt to end his felonious feedom."

"On the scene is Keystone Kelly, the pride of the men in blue.  Officer Kelly, what's is like in there?"

"Oh, 'tis cryin' shame!  Shenanigans like ya wouldn't believe! Dastardly deeds that defy description!  That is rogue is hurlin' everything in reach!  Shopping carts, biplanes, beachballs--everything but the cathedral radios.  LOOK OUT!  It's a cathedral radio!  Gotta go!  I mean to recover the loot and bust that brute!"

"Will that double-eyed hoodlum keep Keystone in triple trouble, or will YOU help the greatest gumshoe going catch that no good galoot??  Grab your billclubs and joysticks!  It's curtains now, Hooligan!"

(credit: Activision, taken directly from original box description)